My heart is broken...

I have a long-time love affair with the Clintons, going all the way back to ‘92, when I would write “Vote Clinton/Gore ‘92!” across the top of all my eighth-grade school papers. Of course, being in Middle School, I had no real political identity and, looking back, I have no clue why I was so pro-Clinton. I wasn’t even picking up on parental preferences because, if my mother had any stance on the subject, I was ignorant of it.

Spending my most formative years in the Clinton era, I was afforded the luxury of staying un-involved in politics. After all; we were at peace, the economy was at its all-time best, the USA had good relationships with nations around the world and we weren’t being scared by the ever-present threat of a national boogeyman -- a brief reprieve between the communist threat and the terrorist threat.

The GOP constantly derided the Clintons, of course. Bill and Hillary were evil. They would do anything to win. 6 of the 8 years Bill was president, the GOP controlled the House and the Senate and did their level best to oppose him at every turn. But he was charismatic and likable, despite his personal failings. Hillary, as well, was the subject of frequent vicious attacks by the Right, especially when she took on the Healthcare industry. And I never understood any of that hatred. Things were going well. So what was not to like?

Of course, when George W. Bush became the Republican nominee in 2000, there was no room left for political apathy in my life. And, as we all know, his assumption of power didn’t take long to reverse all the good that Clinton had done.

Of course, 2000 wasn’t all bad. It also saw the first time a former First Lady would be elected to the Senate...signaling to anyone paying attention that this would be a stepping-stone with the end goal going back to the White House. The thought of Hillary Clinton becoming president is one that, since winning her Senate seat, I have been very vocally in favor of, especially as the current administration continued to make the country (and the world) progressively worse and worse.

So, as I’m sure you can imagine, I was thrilled when she announced her candidacy last year. Of course, I also grew to like Barack Obama as I learned more about him. My favorite candidate, however, was neither Hillary nor Obama but Dennis Kucinich. Of course, I had no illusions of Kucinich’s chances: I knew Hillary would be our next president and I was thrilled with it.

And now, on to my broken heart.

As I watched more and more of the debates and the frontrunners started to emerge as Hillary (or course), John Edwards and Obama, I was sort of on the fence between Obama and Clinton. I really liked Obama’s message and policy positions, but I also liked Hillary and clung to my long-time hope to see her elected our first woman president. (Though I agree with John Edwards on policy, I have to admit to a shallow reason for not having a strong desire to see him in the White House: 20 straight years of southern-accented presidents is more than enough, thank you).

Eventually, as the primaries got under way, Kucinich endorsed Obama (before even dropping out of the race) and the support of my favorite candidate was the last little bit that was needed to tip my support fully into the Obama camp. Of course, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t support my beloved Hillary should she win the Nomination.

And then there were two. Hillary and Obama have been neck-and-neck ever since they emerged as the last two candidates for the Democratic nomination. I continued my support for Obama (and, prior to finding out that he doesn’t believe in evolution, I was also a fan of Ron Paul on the Republican side), but maintained the feeling that we couldn’t lose, whichever candidate won the nomination.

Then it happened. Hillary Clinton became what the GOP had accused her of being all these years: a power-hungry, self-serving, master politician who would do anything to win.

It started small: She was slow to speak out against false rumors about Obama’s religion and the implications of his middle name (Hussein). She did speak out, of course, but she took a few days to do so. A few more days for the rumors to circulate. And when she did say that Obama was not a Muslim, she added: “Not that I know of.”

Then came the “Shame on You” speech, where she publicly chided Obama for his “dirty“ tactic of fairly and accurately quoting Sen. Clinton’s own book in which she speaks favorably of NAFTA, which she favored as the First Lady and as a Senator, but began criticizing publicly when she entered the race for the presidency. Oh, yes. How dare he bring to the public’s attention the matters of record that indicate that your strong words against NAFTA might be little more that rhetoric? Shameful, indeed.

Around this same time, a picture began circulating of Obama on a visit to an African nation, in which he wore the customary garb of its people (something that all politicians do), including a turban-like headdress. Circulating without the proper context, this fed into the public’s perception of Sen. Obama as a Muslim. There were rumors that it was the Clinton campaign that started circulating the picture. Sen. Clinton denies this and I, like Obama, take her at her word. But it bears mentioning nonetheless.

Then she seemed to get a little desperate, complaining to Brian Williams that she always has to answer the questions first in the debates and even cited an SNL sketch from the previous Saturday and mentioned that they should maybe ask Sen. Obama if he’d like another pillow. That has to mark the first time that a politician has ever cited unfavorable treatment in an SNL sketch as a sign of media bias.

Then things started getting really bad. Hillary began speaking out against Obama’s message of Hope, despite the fact that it was a big theme in her husband’s ‘92 campaign. Not to mention that it also reflected the comments of the Republican candidates, who had by this point switched the focus of their attacks toward Obama as it became more and more likely that he was going to win the nomination.

Then it became about ”experience,“ which Sen. Clinton feels she has more of than does Sen. Obama. This in spite of the fact that, while she was in the White House in the honorary and unelected role of First Lady with no security clearance or official government duties, Obama was already working as a legislator, in an elected government position, as an Illinois State Senator. And despite the fact that he has more foreign policy experience than Reagan, Bush or Clinton had upon their respective entries into the Oval Office.

Through all this, I began to feel more and more disappointed in the tactics that Sen. Clinton was partaking in.

Then she crossed the line.

It is one thing to say that you have more experience that your opponent. It s entirely another to do what Sen. Clinton did next: She stated that both she AND the Republican Nominee both had the experience necessary to be president, while Obama had nothing to offer but a speech he gave in 2002. Yes, she publicly insinuated that the opposition party’s Pro-War candidate would be a better choice for president than the current Democratic front-runner.

Worse still, this was not an unfortunate slip. On three more occasions, at three more venues, she reasserted this viewpoint. Her campaign states that this is their way of gearing up to combat John McCain in the general election. Which, to me, begs the question: how does repeatedly stating your opponent’s qualifications to do the job you’re competing for help you to defeat them? Clearly, Mrs. Clinton is attempting to weaken Sen. Obama’s lead as the primaries continue, while simultaneously (and intentionally) giving McCain ammo with which to combat Obama should he become the Democratic nominee. This may sound short-sighted, but remember that Hillary Clinton is anything but short-sighted. She knows that if a Democrat other than her wins the White House this year, she won’t have another opportunity to run for 8 years. If McCain wins, however, she can run again in 4 years. In short, Hillary Clinton would rather see the Bush doctrine continue for four more years than wait an additional 4 years to take power.

Since then, Hillary has kicked her campaign into full-fledged Rove-mode. Her infamous 3am ad plays on our fears of terrorist attack, just like the Bush administration has been doing since 9/11 to keep us cowed and compliant as he erodes our liberties and increases his power, unchecked.

Yes, Hillary Clinton has broken my heart more than I thought any woman ever could. She has destroyed completely a faith that I have held in her for over half my life. In all likelihood, Sen. Obama will still be the Democratic nominee, but if these tactics should push Hillary into that spot, I have made the heart-rending decision that I cannot support her. I am a registered Democrat, but I am not a party-line voter. I have always voted my heart. And my heart tells me that Hillary Clinton is not who I thought she was. She has proven herself, to me, unfit to lead this nation. Should she emerge as the nominee, then I will have to vote my conscience: I will have no choice but to vote either for a third party candidate or to write-in Sen. Obama.

It is a hard decision, one that it does honestly pain me very much to have to make, but there you have it. My faith in Hillary is dead, killed by her own actions against the ideals she claims to stand for, against her party and against the nation.